I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
