come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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