He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
