So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
