The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Semen is not good for contacts.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
