That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
