We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She's the barista slut.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
