i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
