Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
