Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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