He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
