legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
