grandma shit on top of the toilet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
