i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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