you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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