u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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