i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
