Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize