3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
