he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
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Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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