Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
