Can i not drive my cunt home
i permit you to call me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
