Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
