i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
