I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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