If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
