VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
