Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
