Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
