Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
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My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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