She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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