when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize