mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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