I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
