my vag is so smooth its legendary
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
