Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
