On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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