these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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