Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
