It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
