I like my sex mixed with concussions.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if only i could text you this smell
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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