Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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