Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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