Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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