are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
