my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
