i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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