I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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