now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
