so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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