it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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