I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
