Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
