thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
