happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
