I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
splinters make it hard to masturbate
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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