I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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