Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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