Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she told me i tasted like america
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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