Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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