Pappa wants mamma naked
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
