there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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