you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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