I'm really into asian looking animals
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
